Star Wars Episode I Review DELETED SCENES

If you want to know what I thought of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, go here. Do it, or else this post won't make as much sense. Go. Trust me, you'll be glad you did.

Okay, welcome back. This post isn't going to be thought provoking or anything like it; rather, it's the things I liked/didn't like that I omitted from my review's final draft for the sake of brevity. Now do you see why it was so important to go read the review first?

The Rest of the Bad

- Obi-Wan, the learner, seems smarter , or at least more in tune with the Force, than Qui-Gon, the master
- “You and the Naboo form a symbiont circle” - a stupid line in any setting, and is Jar Jar supposed to understand any of that?
- Apparently Jedi carry a Batman-esque utility belt with mini-scuba rebreathers; wouldn’t it be cooler if they had the “Force Hold Your Breath” power?
- The sea monsters looked cool but were unnecessary. Heck, the whole bongo scene could have been cut (maybe replace them with the Podrace deleted scenes?)
- Battle droids: their aim is horrible and their reaction time atrocious. Maybe the Trade Federation prefers quantity production over quality production
- Jake Lloyd: I know really good child actors are hard to find, but Jake was horrible. Awful. It doesn’t help that teen Jake looks like this.
- “Greed can be a powerful ally.” What does that even mean? Saying it’s a powerful tool or even a weapon at least makes a little sense.
- Eopie flatulence: fart jokes never make a movie better
- “I’ve encountered a vergence in the Force.” I’m not sure that word even works in this context.
- Bring Anakin along: It makes zero sense to bring Anakin to Theed City, where you’re going to battle hundreds of blaster-wielding droids. Zero sense.
- Kid hero: Related to that, child heroes make me cringe more often than not. Uber-high midi-chlorian count or not, no 9-year-old boy I’ve met would keep a cool head in the middle of a 30-1-odds space battle. Having him save the day came of as cheap thrills meant for kid audiences.
- Hair style: Surely the thousands-of-years-old Jedi order could have come up with a better haircut for Padawans.
- Palpatine/Darth Sidious: I wish there had been a better way to hide Palpatine’s true identity. Everyone in the world knew he was the future Emperor.
- Immaculate Birth: Related to the midi-chlorian issue, I’m bothered by the immaculate birth of Anakin. It doesn’t bother me so much as a Christian as it bothers me as someone who doesn’t like copycats. I have no problem with allusions to history/mythology/legend; I do have a problem with carbon copies.

The Rest of the Good

- Brian Blessed: The Gungans aren’t my favorite, but you have to love Brian Blessed and his awesome voice as Boss Nass.
- Chance Meeting: The moment where R2D2 and C3PO meet for the first time is classic, simple and nicely done.
- Cameos on Tatooine: The brief appearances by Jabba the Hutt, the Jawas and the Tusken Raiders (Sand People) were fun to watch.
- Droids Unfolding: The scene where the battle droids deploy and unfold and stand up was really cool to watch the first time. It still is.
- Farewell to Qui-Gon: The funeral scene was really poignant and somber, aided by beautiful music by John Williams. The only bad part was the short exchange between Yoda and Mace Windu. Yoda- “Always two there are, a master and an apprentice.” Mace- “But which was destroyed, the master or the apprentice?” Repetition sucks.


Sarah Lambson said…
I'm glad you included this. I almost wish you HAD put it in your review. FORGET brevity!

If you don't mind, I am going to link it in my entry for Episode III (when I eventually finish it).

Agree on all accounts, by the way.
Peeser said…
I agree with Sarah. Nuts to brevity- since when have any of us ever really been brief?

It is not surprising to note that many of your "bad" notes relate to Qui-Gon. I remember when I first watched it, I thought he was so cool. I have since realized that he was cool ONLY because I desperately wanted him to be. Liam Neeson can be an AMAZING actor, bringing depth and profound meaning to many of his roles.

Which only makes it more clear how TERRIBLE George Lucas is as a director. If someone like him can make a talented actor like Liam Neeson almost suck, I blame Lucas more than I blame Neeson.

Because you are right- a lot of the bad moments/lines come from someone who should fill us with awe at his wisdom. I don't hate Qui-Gon, and I'm still moved by the tragedy of his death. But in all honesty, more of the kudos go to Obi-Wan, who by far was the most successful at avoiding the terrible direction of Lucas.

(And Brian Blessed is pretty fantastic in almost any context.)

Nice addendum, bro.

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