Dreißig Tage der Wahrheit, Tag 1
That's German for "Thirty Days of Truth, Day 1." Wife's been doing it and says she wants me to do it, so I do it. Maybe I'm whipped, or maybe I'm whipped. You decide. Also, it's a post, so don't complain.
Wow, we're not sidling into this at all, are we? Just right on to the self-deprecation, but not in a Conan O'Brien funny kind of way.
I'ma go with anger management. In that I don't have any.
I like to think I've been better in recent weeks, but the long and short of it is that I am easily set off. Video games. Sports. Board games. Other drivers. There are a number of things that get my dander up in a way that often brings swift but necessary chastisement from my wife.
Symptoms that I am less-than-happy include raised voice, carelessly tossed objects, slamming fists, gritted teeth, surly look, etc. Profanity, sadly, is not exempt from expression, either.
Sometimes I'm okay at hiding it. Work, especially, falls into this scenario. Usually, if something makes me mad, I squeeze my computer mouse as if it were a stress ball. It has no give, though,
so it's rarely satisfying. I've also been know to slam it onto the desk (though never when people are around)- right now the scroll wheel doesn't work, and I think I'm culpable.
It's just as likely the mouse broke itself...right?
What's so frustrating is that I have NO idea how to curb it. I get mad at myself for getting mad. The shame route works, only if because it's pointed out to me how stupid/ridiculous/childish I am being over something that in any kind of scheme of things doesn't matter enough to lose my cool. Like I said, I like to think I've been doing better, but I'm not the best judge of that.
The worst part? Realizing who I take it out on. More often than not, I take out my anger on my wife, choosing to be the most expressive in frustration to her. Playing Wii games with Beckie/Jason/Sarah? Not frustrating, or at least not to the point of anger. Playing Wii games with my wife? For some reason I don't feel the same restraints on expressing that anger with her. Why is that? Why is it that sometimes the people we should be the most kind to are the
ones we feel most comfortable getting angry at?
Maybe if I looked this cute when I was mad, it would be okay...
So there you go. Day 1 done. I think I'll go throw a mouse (I'll let you decide if I'm talking about a computer mouse or a real one).
How many more to go?
P.S. It's a 30-day challenge. It doesn't say 30 consecutive days. So don't expect a post every day like the wife has been so good at doing.