What Are You Afraid Of?
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself..."
"Fear is not the natural state of civilized people..."
"Fear makes the wolf bigger than it really is..."
Good quotes, but EASY FOR THEM TO SAY!!! We're afraid of all kinds of crazy stuff, and it changes with age. Right now, I'm afraid of things I never even thought of when I was a kid (Losing Tamara, open heights, getting really sick, people attacking me at night or in my home, failure, Democrats in the White House, etc.) But as a kid, my fears were much different. As were the fears of my siblings. In this completely subjective and biased survey, let's examine the expressed fears of my siblings and myself and rate them. I'll use a scale of 1-5 heart attacks to measure the fear, with 1 being the least scary, and 1-5 Spocks to measure the logic or rationality of each fear, with 1 being very irrational.
Juli was afraid of...
1) The Dark: Though darkness itself cannot harm anyone, it can be very intimidating. Even in your own home, as a kid, you're always wondering what, if anything, is waiting for you just beyond the edge of the light. Almost all the time, there is nothing there to fear (and the other times, it's usually a cruel sibling waiting to jump out at you). But the fear is there, nonetheless. I give her fear: 4 heart attacks, and 4 Spocks
2) Other People: People can be scary to kids, and not because of the way they smell. Social situations can be really awkward and many kids don't adjust as quickly or ably as others. For this fear: 2.5 heart attacks and 3.5 Spocks
Emily was afraid of...
1) Tornadoes: A very legitimate fear. They're huge, dark, tear things up and throw them around, and ridicuously destructive. Tornadoes get: 5 heart attacks and 5 Spocks
2) Fires: Do I even really have to go here? It's FIRE! It burns, it scathes, it crisps, it makes thick black dark choking smoke! Fire also gets: 5 heart attacks and 5 Spocks
3) Looking Out of Windows With No Curtains: Um, don't know what spurred this, but it's only legit if it's dark outside. I give it: 3.5 heart attacks and 3 Spocks
4) Showers (unconfirmed): Juli says Em was afraid to take showers alone and had to have someone in the bathroom at the same time or some such. If it's real, it's funny to look back on, and if it's not real, it's still funny. For showers: 1 heart attack and .5 Spocks
I think there were others but I can't remember them.
Elise was afraid of...
1) Ghosts: this stemmed from "Lady in White," which I guess is scary enough. Mostly because we were so used to seeing Mona from "Who's the Boss?" as a funny woman and now we were seeing her as a skeletal and weird crazy cat-lady (without the cats). But ghosts were pretty okay. Haunting score: 4 heart attacks and 4 Spocks
2) Mirrors: Apparently this was brought on by "Poltergeist III," which really wasn't that scary. The mirror scene from "Watcher in the Woods" was a more scary. Mirrors can be scary, I guess, but they get: 2 heart attacks and 2 Spocks
Beckie was afraid of...
1) Fires: this is because of "The Towering Inferno," which I have yet to see. But again, the thought of being trapped in a room as everything, from your (in my case) Superman underwear and He-Man action figures burning and melting, respectively, is horrifying. Flames get: 5 heart attacks and 5 tornadoes
2) Clowns: not based on "It," as one might think, but rather on the creepy clowns from "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure." Yeah, they're creepy and they tear up bicycles! Cool bicycles with cool horns and gadgets! Clowns as a whole? Jack Handey summed it up: "To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad." Painted monsters get: 3.5 heart attacks and 3.5 Spocks
I was afraid of...
1) No, not the Wicked Witch...Tornadoes: it's all because Mom and Dad like to watch "The Wizard of Oz." I cried when the sirens sounded. And now, I'd give anything to see one for real! I even dream about seeing them and get excited because I think it's real...and then I wake up. My tornado fear merits: 5 heart attacks and 5 Spocks
2) Evil spirits: okay, this is really a one time thing. Long story short: I was at David Lowe's house, we wanted to do that dumb "look in a mirror and say "Bloody Mary" 50 times" kind of game. Larry, David's dad, found out, and gave us a long lecture on evil spirits and how stupid it is to even joke around with that kind of thing. We didn't sleep that night. So, because evil spirits are real and they can do bad things if you provoke (or invoke) them, this gets: 7 heart attacks and 6 Spocks
3) Murderers from "Unsolved Mysteries": I always hoped they weren't from Missouri so they wouldn't come find us. And I was always scared of seeing one through that big (bay?) window inthe Route Z house in the living room, because it was big and right behind the TV. Murderers easily get: 4 heart attacks and 4 Spocks
Sarah was afraid of...
1) Body Snatchers: this is the only thing I can remember...I didn't call and ask if there was anything else, nor was there need to...this one's a doozy (Love you, Sarah! Don't hate me for poking fun at your fear). So for my birthday party, we rented "Invasion of the Body Snatchers," about pod people from space who replace us and look like us and they have no emotions and are all around creepy. Being afraid is somewhat understandable. So Sarah would have had a good case for being legitimately scared......except she would get scared at the WEIRDEST TIMES! We'd be sitting at dinner and she'd get scared and we'd ask why and she'd say "I'm thinking about the Body Snatchers." Sarah, you're the best and we love you. But Body Snatchers get: 2.5 heart attacks and 2.5 Spocks
Kirsten was afraid of...
1) The Basement (not the one on the Alamo): Okay, so it may be dark, dank and dreary (name that movie), but that's why God invented light switches. Of course, I have spent many years living in the basement (some of Route Z, none of Live Oak Lane, and all of Parker), so I might be biased. But then again, so is this entire thing! Basements get: 3 heart attacks and 2.5 Spocks
2) Tornadoes: I think she said this to dissuade me from making fun of her basement fear, but it still earns: 5 heart attacks and 5 Spocks
Conclusion: Clearly, Beckie, Emily and I have the most rational fears (Kirsti does by default for her quick thinking when I laughed at her- love you, sis). Juli is a good middle ground, and Elise, Sarah and Kirsti make up the bottom three. But we love you and all these fears do is give us something to laugh about and distract us from what we really should fear:
THE RISING COST OF EDUCATION!!!! (ka-pow, KAPOW, pow bang pop.........that was, um, the lightning)